My warranty is expiring...

Getting old is a bitch. Of course, as they say, it's better than the alternative. I had to stop and think about how old I'd be turning in June. I remember when I was young - like in my teens - thinking that 20 was so old....that 30 was so old....that 40 was ancient. It seemed so far away. And I'm going to turn 48 this year. That's 2 years til 50!!! I can't imagine being 50. I mean the number. It's overwhelming!!! I certainly don't feel like I'm almost 48....heading to 50. But I feel like my body is slowly falling apart. Of course, I know a lot of my woes have to do with my being overweight. I've noticed that my hips hurt. After I sit for a while and then stand...my legs hurt. I know exactly what I need to do to fix those problems. That's entirely in my control. It just sucks...being bipolar...having "female" problems....dealing with sleep apnea....and now the problems stemming from this septoplasty. Oh...and I forgot to mention the headaches. I keep having constant headaches/migraines and my dr. sent me for a CT scan. Fortunately, everything was fine...but the headaches were still there. Now I'm taking a prescription med to help. Add another pill to the schedule. Such fun! I'm dealing. I'm tired of one medical thing after another happening. KWIM? But I'm dealing.And this nose stuff. I STILL have the whistle in the right side of my nose. My ob/gyn suggested I go for a 2nd opinion and I went to the phone right away and called the dr. he recommended. I see the dude on Monday and I can't wait to hear what he has to say. Nothing like looking at those mistakes and asking yourself: WHY????? I hate that! So much! I hope I can fix whatever problem remains with my nose. And if I like this dr. and feel like he's telling me like it is....I may switch. We'll see how it goes. Such fun.

Still....I cannot believe I'll be 48. Where has the time gone? I mean...seriously. ????? It's good that I don't feel my age. I still "feel" like I did when I was in college. I feel as if I haven't changed from those days. And I suppose that's a good thing. I don't feel like I need to be propped up in a rocking chair watching my shows. lol I'm still that kid at heart and I rejoice in that. I just wish I could renew my dang warranty!

lol

"When you come to the end of all the light you know,

and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown,

faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen:

either you will be given something solid to stand on

or you will be taught to fly."

Edward Teller

Body Image

I'm struggling with my body image. I swear...every time I see my reflection, I want to cry. It's so hard for me not to comfort myself with food. Isn't that stupid? It's not that I sit around eating bon bons. I don't. But when I feel like I need to make myself feel better...I tend to choose the potato chips as opposed to the fruit. And it makes me feel out of control...which is absurd considering that I'm the one doing it to myself. I have all of the control. Hello...get a clue, girl. Every day I tell myself it's a clean slate and I can choose the healthy foods. I want to feel better. My mood is mostly good. I'm having some "blues" instances but I'm hanging in here. I just want to feel better physically. Guess I'm trying to give myself a pep talk. I'm that little engine...I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I want to look at my reflection and be happy with what I see. I want to feel that confidence that comes with feeling healthy. I just have to take that first step. I think today is the day. I'm stepping out. I can do this. I know I can.

Here I go.......

today's quote

"Far away there in the sunshine

are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them,

but I can look up

and see their beauty,

believe in them,

and try to follow where they lead."

Louisa May Alcott

Pure escapism

Millions of people play this game. It's pure escapism. It's truly an adventure. It's a world of magic and quests and other worldly characters. D. got a new computer. (Thanks to a tax refund.) So now he can play W.O.W. His character is a night elf druid. Call me a voyeur because I love watching him play. lol There's just something about watching his character doing quests and completing them and battling "evil" creatures and so on. It's really nice to escape the problems of the day....to escape the bad news that CNN always disperses. It's fun to find and enjoy something new. I remember when I was in college, we'd play Dungeon and Dragons. I loved that. (Am I showing my age?) lol And I remember watching D. play Everquest. That was fun...but there's something about seeing W.O.W. on a brand new computer. Computers have come a long way since we bought our first one (1994). I'm amazed at just how good things look...how much better the technology is. Isn't it strange how computers are a natural part of our lives now? When I was "young" (I sound like my parents) they didn't have computers for the average Joe. Even when I was in college (1983) they didn't have personal computers. I took computer in college and in comparison to what we have today....those were like dinosaurs. lol (I really am showing my age.) lol It blows my mind how kids today won't even understand not having computers or iPods, etc. When I was a teenager....there was no such thing as computers for anyone....there was no such thing as iPods....we played records on the record player. We didn't have cell phones. We didn't have cordless phones. There was no such thing as cable or sattelite tv. And now....all of these things are just a natural part of every day life. It's amazing to me. And it makes me feel nostalgic and old. lol We used to go outside to play or play board games....stuff like that. And here I am....watching D. play a role playing game on the computer. One where millions of people around the world play. Go figure. Maybe I can say that I'm not as old as all that. I guess it's true what they say....age is only a number. So I can enjoy myself. I can watch D. play an other worldly character and we can escape the troubles of the world for a little while. There's nothing wrong with that. Not at all.

wisdom

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Chinese Proverb

hints of spring

I was running errands this morning and I noticed that the daffodils and tulip trees are starting to bloom. I LOVE seeing these beautiful blossoms. I am worried that the changing temperatures will hurt the flowers and blooming trees. Yesterday, it was around 70* but today, it's in the upper 30's. (It's colder than the weather people said it was going to be.) And I heard they're predicting snow this weekend! ??? What in the world? I love each and every season. I really do. I love winter, but I think it's because I want snow. When we don't get it....I'd just rather move on into spring. Do I believe it will snow this weekend? Heck no. I'm certainly NOT holding my breath. When they predict it, we don't get it. That's just the way it works. I'd love a wonderful snow storm. I'd love lots of white, sparkling snow. It would be so wonderful, but I'm realistic. I know it's not going to happen this year. Soooo.....I'm ready for the warmer, spring temperatures. I'm ready for the flowers and trees to bloom. I'm ready for all of that beautiful, radiant color. Isn't spring lovely?