new things....

NEW THINGS!! I love to read. I love to listen to music. Sometimes I get caught up in the same old, same old. It happens. But I've found a new author and a new band. I'm so excited. The new author is Robert Crais. Thanks to my friend, I have been introduced to Elvis Cole and his partner, Joe Pike. Elvis is a private investigator and Joe is his kick butt side kick. The books are mysteries and I've gone from the romance genre to Elvis and his cases. So far, there are 12 books in the series and I've read up through #5. I have 2 more here to read (borrowed from the library) and I've already put 8-11 on hold at the library to have during my surgery recovery time frame. I've been reading these books pretty much in one day. I love them that much. I think I have a crush on Elvis! lol There's just something about him that really appeals to me. I'm digging his stories. Of course, I'm still reading my romance novels...just bought one yesterday and am almost done reading it. I had to do it. Had to read it. Something about the hero of that book that makes me swoon. lol Hey. Can't help it! But I'm hooked on Elvis Cole and have signed up for Robert Crais' newsletters. That way I'll know when each new book is released. Yea!

Also....new music....Forty Foot Echo. Who knew? I was checking out the new releases on iTunes and I discovered Forty Foot by accident. They are awesome! They rock. Seriously! I downloaded 4 of their songs to my iPod but will end up doing the 2 albums. I know I will. They remind me of Nickelback...just a bit. AND Nickelback has a new album out as well and it rocks, too. But I'm thrilled to have found FFE. I downloaded their songs Drift, Save Me, Brand New Day and Long Way Down. Very, very good.

I'm loving Elvis. I'm loving Forty Foot Echo. I'm feeling pretty good right now.

:-)

Making it...........

Eight days into 2009. So far, so good. I feel in control. Getting things clean and organized. There's something about putting things in their places. There's something about staying on top of the chaos....of keeping my environment together. It makes life easier. I don't do well in chaos. I do much, much better with organization. And I'm liking how things are falling into place. It feels good. :-)

I'm having surgery on the 21st to correct my deviated septum. Who knew my septum was deviated??? Certainly not me. I went into the ENT dr. with what I thought was an ear infection and she tells me all of these other problems I have. Oh well. Getting old is a bitch. Right? lol So I'm going to do this surgery. Am I looking forward to it? HELL NO! But I figure I'm an adult...all grown up and I should do everything I can about being healthy. So I'm doing the surgery. Yeehaw! That's one of the reasons why I'm in a nesting mode. I always seem to do this when I'm having a medical procedure or going out of town. I just get into this place where I have to clean and organize. Maybe it's cuz I'm thinking about the silent what if's. What if something happens to me? Then D. and S. won't have to worry about cleaning and organizing. So ridiculous. I know. It's just a thing with me. D. has days off from work to take care of me after the surgery. I'm so thankful that he's such a caring person. When it comes to surgery and his loved ones being sick...he's so thoughtful and loving and attentive. My analytical, logically, non-romantic husband. lol He's the best. He has his moments. We all do. No one is perfect. I'm just thankful that he's in my life. Good and bad. I know I can count on him. He'll be there. He'll take care of me and S. It'll be okay. Even though I'm scared I know he'll be there to comfort and reassure me. :-) I'll just be glad when the whole darn thing is over. At least the house and life will be clean and organized. lol At least I'll have done as much as I can so D. doesn't have to worry about any of that. And I'll feel more in control because of what I'm doing. It's good...feeling in control. I like it. I like it a lot.

It's 2009!

Okay. So it's a new year. 2009. It's a clean slate....a fresh start. It's full of possibilities. Last year was a rollercoaster ride. It was a bit overwhelming with the up's and down's. I'm open to a better year. One that's not a crazy ride. I don't think I've made any resolutions. You know how that goes. You make a resolution and then you seem to break it. You don't follow through. I'm thinking of 2009 as a chance for me to work towards goals. I'm not going to beat myself up over setbacks. I'm going to slowly work on moving forward and reaching the place I yearn to be. I have to do it in small steps so it won't feel so overwhelming. That works best for me. One small step at a time. I can do that. Yep.

I had such a tough time with the holidays. I used to love everything about Christmas. I always felt like a kid...even when I was in my 20's. Somewhere along the line, I switched from being that kid to feeling blue and not wanting to decorate, etc. Don't know if it's related to my mood disorder or not. I just don't know. Now that S. is in our life, we need to decorate and make it kid-like....and I want that for him. I want to see his face and recapture that joy. There's something about seeing a child's excitement during the holidays. Still....I didn't want to decorate. I struggled with it, but did it for S. With the economy being what it is....we just weren't able to buy gifts and spoil family and friends....and I had a hard time with it. I felt guilty and very sad. We couldn't do a lot for S. (sigh) My family agreed to make it about the kids. We agreed that the grown up's wouldn't exchange gifts. Imagine our surprise and guilt on Christmas morning when my family had gifts for me and D. He and I were so very embarrassed. I ended up in tears. The kids were thrilled but D. and I were both sad and felt guilty as hell. We'd agreed to make it about the kids and my family didn't do what they said they'd do. Now don't get me wrong. We appreciated what they did and the gifts they gave us. We're very thankful and they're extremely generous. I wish, tho, that they'd done what we agreed. (sigh) I'm just happy that we're into the new year....that the holidays are done. And I hope that when we roll around to Christmas 2009, I'll be in a much better place emotionally...that we'll be in a better place financially so we can give gifts and spoil our family and friends.

So it's 2009. We made it through 2008 and now have a brand new year to enjoy. We have a chance to move forward...to make changes....to embrace the possibilities. Maybe it's about having a mindset. You know...the think, there for I am? Maybe our mantra could be it's a new year, a clean slate therefore anything is possible. (g) Maybe throwing off the gloomy attitude will be the best thing I can do. I'll try on a new one and see how it fits. I'm sure there will be times when I fall and struggle but I pray that I'll quickly pull myself up. I know I have it in me. I know I can do it. I can.

Here's a toast to 2009. A new year....a fresh start. It's a brand new day. Embrace it.

Being thankful

Thanksgiving was Thursday. I spent it with my family and it was nice...sharing quality time. I have so much for which I'm thankful. Yeah...it's nice to have that turkey and dressing. But, for me, it's more than the food. I've said it before...that I think Thanksgiving should be given a chance. It seems to be forgotten. It's overshadowed by Christmas and I think that's sad. It would be nice if everyone stopped and took the time to remember the good things in life. I struggle with different things in my life and I seem to get caught up in them. But I have to remind myself of the wonderful things I have. A house over my head. Being able to buy food. Being healthy. Having such loving family and friends. Having a beautiful son and a husband who I love very much. I live in a country where I'm free. I have rights and I can express myself and not worry about being punished for those things. I guess we get caught up in the things that happen in our day to day life and we forget to look at the big picture.

I experienced something on Thursday that touched my heart. For me, it was a sure sign of God's work. S. and I went to church with my family. There wasn't children's church so S. had to sit in church with us and listen to the entire service. Well...you can imagine a 6 year old doing that. He actually did really well until he noticed his cousins who had snuck in with my sister-in-law and brother. S. went from being mostly good and quiet to being VERY excited. My niece and nephew moved to sit with us and somehow my nephew ended up sitting next to S. BAD thing! S. went from good and well-mannered to loud and fairly out of control because he was so excited. It reached the point where I had to take him out of church and into the parish hall. I sat S. down and asked him what did he think he was doing. I asked him what happened to his good manners. I explained that people were trying to listen to the sermon and the prayers and music. I told him it was rude, disrespectful to do that. I told S. that I understood that he was excited to see his cousins...that they'd be playing all afternoon. I asked him to be considerate...to let the folks in church hear what was being said...to let them enjoy being in church. All of a sudden, we hear a "Happy Thanksgiving." I looked over and there was a woman....she was about 40 years old...I think. She was in a wheelchair and it was obvious that she was struggling with life. I know she attends St. Mary's. I've seen her around. I just didn't know her name....I've never spoken with her. (We never go to the hospitality hour after the church service.) She came over and told S. that he had a lot to be thankful for. She told him that she doesn't have any family. That she didn't have anywhere to live....how much she struggles with life. S. got very quiet and listened to her. She told him that he was lucky to have a mother who loved him so much...that he was lucky to have family and the good things he had in life. I turned to S. and said, "Do you understand what she's saying?" And he nodded his head. I could tell that her words were sinking in and affecting him. She asked if he wanted a hug and he got all shy and shook his head. She said, "No? Then how about a high five." S. got up and went right over to her and high fived her. I asked if he was ready to go back into church and he said yes. I turned to her and said, "Thank you." She said, "I didn't mean to interrupt." And I said, "No. You did NOT interrupt. Thank you." I asked her if she was coming back into the church...to the service. She said she wanted to finish her coffee...to leave the door from the parish hall open. S. and I went back in and sat down...in a different pew. I didn't want to put him right back into a place where he'd be sitting next to his cousin and be tempted to get carried away. We have this thing in our service. We do the peace. It's where the minister says, "The peace of the Lord be always with you." And the congregation says, "And also with you." Then we all turn and shake hands and hug our neighbors. I got up and went to the gal in the wheelchair and I hugged her. I told her thank you again and she told me her name. Tiger Price. We all sat down and the service continued. After the service was over, I told my mom what had happened and she told me that Tiger struggles with drugs and other things and that sometimes they have problems with her. I said, "Well...she's wonderful. She gave us a true gift." I watched S. take his cousin over to meet Tiger. They talked with her for quite a while. As we were leaving, S. turned to me and said, "Mommy, I took L. over to meet my new friend." As you can imagine, I got all weepy. See? God at work? Yes. Tiger is an angel. You can tell that life has been so hard for her...on her and yet...she reached out and shared. She reminded me of how God works...how he brought Tiger to St. Mary's and how she made such a difference in S.'s life...in my life. I didn't know her before Thursday. As I said, I'd seen her there. But now, now I know who she is and you can bet...from now on...I will talk with her...I'll hug her. I'll remember what she did...how she touched me...us...and I'll thank her over and over for her gift.

Yeah...I'm thankful for the things and people in my life. But I'm thankful for experiences like the one with Tiger Price. I'm thankful that God brings such gifts into my life.

Thank you.

just rambling......

I think fall is really and truly here. It was downright cold today....46*. Woohoo! I love the cold weather. I'm ready for it. I'm ready for some snow! lol Love snow! Most of the leaves have fallen. There's still lots of color but you can see lots of bare branches now. I love how the golden light of fall shines on the trees. It's amazing. But I think the temps will be cool from here on out. Everyone keeps saying we're in for a cold winter and I hope they're right. I really, really, really want some snow. We had one good snow in early March and we had so much fun playing in it. I hope we'll have more this winter. Ideally, I'd love a white Christmas. That, to me, is the ultimate gift. There's something so nostalgic about it. I remember waking up to snow on Christmas when I was young and we lived in New York. I'm always reminded of that when I watch the movie, A Christmas Story, and Ralphie wakes up on Christmas morning and looks out the window. There's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground and he says, "Whoa....." My sentiments exactly. I've been there. I remember it so clearly. I'd love to experience that again. I don't want any presents. Nothing material. I simply want quality family time and a beautiful, snowy day. Not sure the snow will happen, but I can wish for the quality family time. I get so tired of the commercialism during this season. Halloween wasn't even over before the stores had the Christmas stuff up. I wanted to scream! For me....doing Christmas stuff doesn't happen until the actual month of December begins. Call me a Scrooge, but that's the way I am. I'm not one of those folks who will be doing my Christmas decorating on Thanksgiving day. Nope. I think Thanksgiving deserves some celebrating....some attention. Poor, ol' Turkey Day gets pushed into the background and it makes me sad. We used to have Halloween...then Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Each holiday got its own time in the limelight. Not anymore. Nope. We go straight from Halloween into Christmas and it seems like Halloween will get inched out pretty soon by Christmas just like Thanksgiving. Hmph. Bah humbug! lol I want my Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! I want my turkey and dressing! I want my afternoon nap! lol I want to spend time with my family celebrating with them and being thankful for the good, beautiful things in my life. Let's take that time. Then....then...I can look towards Christmas. We'll put up the tree. We'll figure out where to hang the ornaments....has to be just the right place. We'll hang our stockings. We'll do our decorating. We'll bake cookies for Santa. We'll get out our craft supplies and make things to hang around the house and on the tree. We'll watch all of the classic Christmas shows...like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and my absolute favorite, A Christmas Story. That is one of my all time favorite movies!!!!!! You'll shoot your eye out!!!! lmao I haven't really been in the mood for the holidays. I've almost been dreading the whole thing. But now... writing about it...I'm thinking I can embrace the holiday spirit. :-) S. is already beyond excited about Christmas and I think he's winning me over with his enthusiasm. Gosh I love that view of the world through a child's eyes. It rocks! Being grown up (ancient - lol)....I forget the joy and wonder of Christmas. In the movie, The Polar Express, the little boy gets the sleigh bell from Santa but he can't hear it until he actually believes. Turns out...as the kids grew up...they could no longer hear the ring of the bell. I suppose that's happened to me. I forgot to believe so I can't hear that beautiful ringing sound. I think I'll just open myself up....grab hold of my son's hand and start believing so I can hear the bell. Sounds like a pretty wonderful, magical idea to me. Think I'll just do that.

I love bears!

Another layout I did recently. I collect teddy bears. Just love'em! My absolute favorite bear is Winnie the Pooh. (Can you see that?) I look at a bear's face and I can just tell he/she is meant to live with me. I don't even know how many bears I have. Too many to count I think. lol I remember when I was a little girl. I had a bear...."big bear" and I'd carry him around constantly. I sucked my thumb when I was little and I'd rub the fur against my nose. That bear just fell apart. Wish I still had him. But I have many other fuzzy wuzzies and I love them all.

Latest Layout

I actually sat down yesterday and did a layout. The leaves are finally changing color and I took some pictures of the fall colors. Too pretty.