Writing

I'm writing about writing because my dear friend has been riding the writing rollercoaster. The up's and down's. The...putting your heart and soul out there for people to read. What if they don't like it? What if they TELL you they don't like it? How do you survive that? Writing is such a personal thing. I write. I don't share it, tho. I'm not strong enough...or confident enough to do it. Not really. I've shared poems that I've written. But not my book. My book...that's not finished...cuz I'm scared to finish it. Cuz then I'll be at the "time to put it out there...submit it" place. That is TERRIFYING! But my friend has done it. She's submitted books and short stories. She's been published. She's waiting to hear about two manuscripts she sent out. I just sit here and think, "Wow. How cool is she? She's putting herself out there and it's a big leap and I admire the hell out of her." Of course, I've been blessed to be able to read her work. She trusts me enough to allow me to read her stories. That is such a gift. Any time a writer shares her work with you...know that you're being trusted and honored. Cuz our writing is our baby. We take our heart and put it on paper. Our characters and stories are living and breathing within us. When we "give birth" to our stories...it's an emotional journey. It can be painful and oh so rewarding. But when you've told your story and you love it and you're in love with your characters...and then you place your treasure in someone else's hands....well....that's when we wait...with our hearts in our throat...wondering...will the story take hold and whisk the reader away. Will they love it as much as we do? The mere thought of rejection colors your view. The "what if" of it all. Imagine putting your heart and soul out there and having someone tell you it's not good. No thank you. Don't like it. Hearing those words - in whatever form - professional, form letter, tossed out in a casual way...hearing them is a stab to the heart. I don't know how else to say it. There is this pain deep inside you and there's nothing you can do to stop it. How can you easily say, "Oh well. No biggie."? It really, really, really hurts. Putting your stories out there already makes you vulnerable...and now...well...now you're beyond that. You want to pull back and keep your stories to yourself. No more sharing. No more putting them out there. It's a difficult, painful place to be.

I've always like to write. Always. I've always kept diaries, and journals. Have always written poetry. Have written some short stories...a long time ago. I've been working on a novel but I keep letting life get in the way. Working on my book is downright scary. What if I can't do it? What if I can? What if people think it's awful? What if people like it? Then what? Still...I will always have the dream to write and be a published author. I would love to help people escape into a good story. If I could make one person happy...entertain them...have them love my characters as much as I do....that would be more than satisfying. It would be a dream come true. I just have to believe in myself. I need to have courage. I want to be like my friend. I want to follow in her footsteps. I want to be brave and strong like she is. She is so talented and she's not afraid to share her stories....especially with me. If I can get my own courage up...then I can let her read my work and then go from there. No matter what, tho...writing has to be something you love and want to do. If you ride the rollercoaster and have too many down's...that will take the fun and life out of it. That's not a place any writer should be. I guess...in the long run...we writers have to do the self-preservation thing. We have to look out for number one. I mean... we're talking about our hearts here. We can't keep putting our hearts out there for a stomping. We have to take care of ourselves and protect our work and our hearts. That's just the way it is. And there's nothing wrong with that. Bottom line...we're talented. We have so many stories to tell. And we'll tell them and then share them when we're ready. When we feel safe. But we'll get them out of our heads and hearts and on to the paper. Count on it.

"I've known all my life that I could take a bunch of words and throw them up in the air and they would come down just right" Truman Capote